Infinite Grace

Well, I'm headed to the Women of Faith Conference today. It's theme this year is "Infinite Grace". I feel like I need a little grace lately. I'm so glad I serve the God of infinite grace. He has just the right amount for me when I need it most. He's a right on time God. I praise Him this morning for knowing what I need, when I need it, and how much of it I need to make me more like Him.

I read one verse this morning. My Bible was open already. I looked up and here's the verse...

"Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity." Ecc. 1:2

As I searched the study notes of my Bibles to see just what this meant, this is what I come up with. Vanity is futility, which means meaningless, emptiness, nothingness, that which is futile or worthless, of no value or profit. Pursuing anything that God is not in is vanity. Whether it be money, a certain job, a baby, a Bible study, recognition, fixing a problem and not waiting on Him, etc...you name it...ANYTHING that is not of God is vanity...worthless, meaningless.
This kind of ties in with what I've been studying about in my quiet time this week. One ugly word...PRIDE. Did you know that pride is not the opposite of a low self-esteem?? Pride is the opposite of humility which means "to lower oneself, to be brought low". Beth says in the study "Living Free"...

"When we see God as He is, we automatically see ourselves as we are. Low self-esteem means I see myself as low~not because God is great, but because I have little value. Pride is self-absorption, whether we're absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are. Humility is God-focused not self-focused."

I am praying for a little grace this weekend. All too much of what I've been trying to do lately has been with great vanity. I am trying to learn to do everything I do with honoring Him in mind. But to do that we need His strength and His direction.

Father, I pray for Your strength and guidance this morning. To do anything You've asked me to do, I need You. You've called me to be a wife, a mother, a teacher and to lead a Bible study just to name a few. I'm asking for Your power. To honor You will only be with Your strength. I have nothing to give that would be pleasing to You. Thank You for your grace and mercy just when I need it.

Effective Ads

I will preface all of this by saying that Don and I do not talk politics (in front of the kids or otherwise really). Kids really do hear what is said, even when we think they're not listening. Yesterday, Emma came up to me and this was our conversation...
E: Barak Obama is mean.
M: What?
E: Barak Obama is mean.
M: What do you know about Barak Obama?
E: I know he's mean.
I was floored. Then because Obama was in Raleigh, they had him speaking on the noon news. We walked in the room together and they had not mentioned his name.
M: Emma, who is that on TV?
E: That's Barak Obama.

I guess it goes to show you that the ads for this election are getting through. I wonder if she knows who McCain is?? I wonder who she would vote for if allowed??? I guess it goes to show you that we do make an impact on children with the words we use and the way we use them.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Consuming Thoughts

I've really struggled lately trying to bring myself to put into words what my heart is feeling. In my quiet time, the Lord has been showing me some things. What consumes my thoughts? Mark 4:14-20 talks about the parable of the sower. This is where I've camped for a while.

Vs. 15 talks about the 1st kind of people..."they by the wayside" which are the unresponsive people. These people fail to respond to the Word so satan removes it quickly. How many times does the Lord nudge me to call someone, write a note, say a word about Him that I quickly dismiss and then...it's gone. The Lord then uses someone else.
The 2nd kind of people is found in vs. 16-17. Here it's the "stony ground" or impulsive people. These people immediately receive the Word, but not counting the cost. There are no deep roots here; we believe for a while until trouble or persecution comes, and we quickly fall away. I don't want to fail the tests God allows in my life, but boy, am I feeling weak. My spirit seems broken with all the sadness I am enduring personally and that of others which brings me to point #3.
The 3rd is "those among thorns" or the preoccupied people. Here we allow legitimate matters ("cares of this world") and illegitimate matters ("the deceitfulness of riches and the lusts of other things") to take priority over the Word. The Lord never said that the cares of this world that we bare are bad, but He did say for us to cast all our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7).
4th is "the good ground". Here we hear and receive or take to heart the Word which bares the fruits of faith, obedience and fidelity.

Father, I feel as if You are tilling my garden...trying to make me "good ground" to bare much fruit for You. You know my heart and the fears and tears that reside within. Father, I pray that the moment I begin to allow those to choke out Your Word and Your Promises to me, that You would nudge me...remind me that You are near. I'm nothing without You, Lord. I have NO strength of my own, so I MUST have Yours to be able to carry on. Infiltrate me through Your Hands. I love You Lord.

Happy Birthday Charlie!

Just wanted to say happy 25th birthday to Charlie, my brother. It was actually yesterday. Love you...

Beth & Charlie on their wedding day, Sept. 6th.

Trunk or Treat

Tonight our church hosted it's annual "Trunk or Treat". For those of you not familiar with that, it's where people dress up their trunks and put tons of candy in. Some people dress up with a theme and give out candy. Others just put the candy in their trunks and walk around. It's safe and fun and what we do in place of Halloween. They had a blast. Here are the "Justice Babies" as they called themselves.

Gracie, Chloe, Ethan and Emma

Chloe and Emma showing their "superhero powers".

Broken

Simple word, isn't it? However, it packs such a punch in our lives. I'm extremely heavy laden this morning. My heart is breaking for families all around me. Ones facing terminal illnesses, sicknesses, marital issues ,and just brokenness. God blessed me with the the gift of mercy. I know this because it was based on a long list of my misuses of the gift. I tend to want to do my best to fix the problems and heartaches of the ones I love. But, Isaiah 55:8-9 says...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
God has a plan...a purpose for the troubles and trials we face. Now, do I understand it all? No way. Do I understand why a young, new mother of a 4, 2, & 5 day old is facing death with the diagnosis of stage 4 cancer? No. Do I understand why a family I love faces a broken home and the possibility of divorce? No. But God knows and He has a plan for making us more like Him. I think the thing that really weighs on me most is even just in these 2 particular instances I described, it could be MY circumstances. I'm not above anything either of these 2 particular families are facing.
However, I refuse to live in the pit today. I will think on the promises of God. I will remember He is Lord of ALL....the Beginning and the End...my Comfort and my Refuge.

Lord, thank You for being those things. Thank You that You never allow more to happen to us than we need. I pray for all the families on my heart this morning. Lord, You're the only Hope most of these families have including my own. Help my thoughts be captivated by You and honoring You. Thank You, Lord, for being my All in all.

The Beginning and The End

I wanted to share what the Lord showed me in my quiet time yesterday. I really meant to do it yesterday, but there was just no time. I was reading Rev. 21:6...

"And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely."

I've read that verse many times, but yesterday I read the study notes in my Bible concerning that verse. It said that the beginning represented the origin of ALL things and the end represented the goal or aim of ALL things. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with what the Lord has been teaching me lately. For satan to tempt me or put pressure on me of any kind, he must first go to Jesus since He's the origin of ALL things (good and bad). My goal or aim for every thing I'm faced with should be Jesus and bringing Him glory and honor. It goes on to say that the water of life represented eternal sustenance and provisions. Dictionary.com said that sustenance was...
1. means of sustaining life; nourishment.
2. means of livelihood.
3. the process of sustaining.
4. the state of being sustained.
That nourishment could be physical, spiritual or emotional. The Lord also seemed to show me that the fountain was the source...where the water came from. So if we are thirsty, He promised "I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely." We must just come to Him.

Father, thank You that You are the beginning and the end just like Your Word says. Thank You that when I'm thirsty, all I need to do is come to that fountain for a drink of Your Nourishment. Thank You that it's free, and that it doesn't depend on anything I do or don't do. I certainly don't deserve it.

The State Fair

Yesterday we took a trip to the state fair. We had a nice time despite things being so crazy. Don had to work last night so we had to be home by 1pm so he could take a nap. It was definitely a quick trip.

Don & Chloe on Ferris wheel.

Emma & I on Ferris wheel.

Emma & Chloe loved the PBSKids tent.

Happy Anniversary!

Sunday was our 6th wedding anniversary. Saturday night my sister very willingly kept my kids overnight for us to have a night alone. We started out with a movie in Raleigh...Fireproof. I strongly recommend. It was wonderful. We then we to Kanki Japanese Steakhouse at Crabtree Mall for dinner. It was really good. We needed some time alone. I got my sis to decorate our bedroom with rose petals, candles, sparkling cider...the whole bit. She did a great job and Don was super surprised. We had a nice time.

Here we are at Kanki.

To Don....I love you more today than I did 6 years ago. I feel blessed and honored that the Lord gave you to me to grow old with. You are my world. Thank you for your sacrifices. I know I make life hard for you sometimes. Thank you for providing for our family. You make me complete. I love you!

Busy Week

Well, I really can't believe it's been a whole week since I posted last. Things have been busy around here. Last Monday the girls went to the doctor to get flu shots (which they didn't have...uggh) and checkups...so that was a trip to Dunn. Tuesday was another trip to Dunn for Mom2Mom at our church. We left there and went to the park for a picnic.

Emma posing!

Chloe cheesing it!

Wednesday was yet another trip to Dunn for church that evening. Thursday was so fun. We took kids to Chick-fil-A for lunch. Then we took yet another trip to the park to kill around 30 minutes. Then, we took them to the Smithfield Fire Dept. since it was fire safety week. We toured the station and then took some pictures. I'll post later.

Friday my sister, Pam, had a "Crocktober Fest" at her house. We all brought crockpots full of our favorites and then decorated pumpkins. Again...I'll post pictures later. I spent the majority of the day helping her get ready for that. It was a late night but so much fun. It was good to just to fellowship a little.

Seeking Perfect Peace

Well...it seems the Lord is really trying to teach me a thing or two....or three...or four! Why is it SO incredibly hard to trust the Lord and believe His promises?? He's proven Himself time and time again....so why is it so hard? I've been faced with many tests this past week...some I have shared and some I haven't. Just so you all know, I'm failing ~ or so it seems.

I have the truths God has promised me. I just need the peace to rest in them.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)

"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You."
Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

Lord, forgive me for failing yet again....for allowing satan to have my mind where the battles started and have been. Lord, please help me to lean on You...to hope confidently in You...and to keep my thoughts fixed and focused on You~not the struggles I'm facing. I lift You up and praise Your Holy Name for You are worthy and worthy to be praised.

Building Cathedrals

I know the title has gotten you all wondering if I've gone off the deep end. I really do want to take some time to post what the Lord has been speaking to me, but right now is not the time. I wanted to share a story I received by email from one of my closest friends (thanks Sandy)...the story that's behind the title of this post. It truly made an empact on me. Hope you enjoy it.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car-to-order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude--but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going...she's going...she's gone!
One night a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress--it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic.

Then Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read--no, devour--the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals--we have no record of their names.
2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,"Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder: as one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." ~ Gal. 6:9

Struggling in the Battlefield

Well, today has definitely been a war zone for me. The battlefield of my mind has been raging and active since I got out of bed. I must say that I'm failing the test....the test of thinking on things that are true versus thinking on all the lies I've accepted today.

I'm quite discouraged in many areas of my life today. The first being homeschooling Emma. I tried to switch things around this morning and have her do school this morning rather than this afternoon. So up to the school room we went...Emma, Chloe and myself. Chloe wasn't the problem...she seemed quite content for the 30-40 minutes we were up there. We finally quit after I fell apart and cried....I even made Emma cry because I was so upset. I'm just so frustrated and feel like such a failure. I want to fill the role....I want to be able to homeschool her. However, I am just having a hard time figuring out how. We are definitely not on the same page. I feel like I need a teacher to come in and show me how to do things. That's the kind of personality I have.....show me, and I usually have it.

And that's an example of exactly what I typed yesterday. Here I have these bad actions, thoughts & attitudes, and I'm repulsed that I've failed the test (AGAIN!). Why do I feel so defeated?...Because it starts in my mind. I've listened to satan tell me because she can't tell me the sounds of the 4 vowels we've covered, that I'm a failure....because she doesn't seem to be "getting it", I'm a failure. Oh, how Beth Moore nailed it when she said the battlefield starts in the mind!

Oh well, I definitely have to ask the Lord to forgive me for sulking in my sorrows. I can't seem to fight the dreadful feeling...."I" can't do anything. I just need to rely on His strength. Allow Him to be my Stronghold...not the lies. Oh if it were that easy....to say and then it to be. Sorry if I haven't been encouraging today.

O Lord, I pray You would forgive me for trying to do things in my own strength...for listening to the enemy and then choosing to believe him over You...for not resting in the peace Your Truth brings. Father, take over my mind. You said in Your Word, the battle is not mine but Yours. Thank You that You continue to fight for me Lord. May glory be brought to Your Name this day.

" Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.... Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you. " (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17)

Living Free

I'm still standing still waiting to hear from the Lord the specifics of the new Bible study I will lead, "Believing God"...mostly the when and the who part. So, because I need structure in my quiet time, I moved to a study I bought probably 8 years ago and never did. It's called "Living Free" by Beth Moore. I'm sure this was God-ordained. I decided I would do this study but without a time table...meaning if I had something else I wanted to study over or read, I would put this study aside and not stress over it.

I wanted to share what the Lord has been showing me. Day 1 was all about demolishing strongholds. First of all, I wanted to tell you the definition of stronghold. It's...
"anything that exalts itself in our minds, pretending to be bigger or more powerful than our God. It steals our focus and causes us to feel overpowered. Controlled. Mastered....It consumes so much of our emotional and mental energy that it strangles our abundant life. Our callings remain unfulfilled, and our believing lives become ineffective."
I have SO many of these....so many lies that satan whispers that seem to control me and make me feel hopeless and defeated. So how do we demolish these?

Did you know that the Lord is our stronghold too?! Ps. 27:1 says...
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
The NIV says stronghold instead of strength. Then in 2 Samuel 22:2, it says...
"...The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer"
As Beth points out in her study, the Hebrew word for fortress here is migav which means "refuge, stronghold".
I'm so glad that even though I have all these negative strongholds in my life, I belong to the One who is The Stronghold. Nothing is too great for Him. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Nothing satan has up his sleeve is shocking to the Lord. I don't know about you, but that brings me such peace....that I serve a Living God that is Omniscient and Omnipotent. I can live 2 Cor. 10:5...
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"...
and know that God is greater than anything I can face.

Day 2 talked about our minds. She said, "When Satan wages war against us, the primary battlefield is the mind." I never really thought about that before. The things, the strongholds, I struggle with start in my mind. She goes on to say, "We struggle with a pattern of thoughts, words, or actions. We promise ourselves that we'll never do it again. We even genuinely hate the behavior involved. Then we hear those hated words come out of our mouths or we realize we've done it again, and we feel like pond scum. In this process we often make a basic mistake. We assume our behavior is the battlefield and the goal is to change our actions."
All this seems to come back to believing God. You see we tend to act like we believe. If we don't believe all the promises the Lord has given us, we won't act like it. When we believe those lies satan so craftily whispers, he wins. His primary purpose in the life of a child of God is to get that child's mind...he already knows he can't have that child's soul because it belongs to God. So then, why do we...why do I believe those things?...those lies? I don't have the answer. Sometimes I wish the Lord would just take control...complete control of me...no free will...but then of course, I'd only be a puppet, not His follower. What glory would that bring Him?
I have all these truths in my head...I know all the right verses. My only problem seems to be getting those truths from my head to my heart...18" makes a huge difference. I long to feel His heartbeat....to do that I must be oh so close to Him.

Father, You know my insecurities today, my weaknesses, my strongholds. I claim 2 Cor. 10:5 and I cast those things at Your feet. You are greater than them all. Lord, I long to think like You, act like You and believe like You. I praise You that though satan may win the battle today, Lord, You have won the war. He will one day bow down to You. Thank You that even when I fail, You still are there to pick me up and set my feet in the right direction. Help thou my unbelief Lord!

Time

Well, it's hard to believe October is here already. Before I know it, it'll be Christmas, and I'll still be sitting here with nothing done in awe that it's Christmas. I'm such a procrastinator...it's really a terribly negative trait of mine. It's so funny how the Lord speaks to me sometimes. So here's what I'm talking about.

Just this morning, I had picked up "In Touch" magazine just to flip through it while my kids attempted to get their chores done. The very first page hit me with conviction. These were the verses the Lord screamed out at me....


Ephesians 5:15-17
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is."


NASB says "making the most of your time". I felt that twinge of conviction, but of course I ignored it and rationalized how I spent my time. I continued reading, flipping through the pages. I come to another article. Would you believe the exact same Scripture appeared in a totally different article???!


So now God really has my attention, and I'm really convicted about not using my time wisely. I've discovered lately especially with the "Believing God" Bible study, that I'm quite lazy. You see I believe we all, as children of God, want a deep-rooted relationship with Christ. However, it is something that must be pursued. That deep relationship with Him doesn't just happen. I mean how can we really believe God for something HUGE when we don't even meet with Him daily. I never realized how much He desired to meet with me. And then there are the days that I do meet with Him, but I don't...make sense. ~ It's just something else checked off the list. ~ And that how sometimes He still chooses to speak to me and honor my feeble attempts at seeking Him. What a Merciful & Gracious God we serve!


I often wondered how to fulfill Deuteronomy 6:5-9....
"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates"

There is no way for me to teach my children that when it's not in my heart. How can I love Him with all my heart, my soul, & my might if I'm not spending quality time with Him each day and even throughout the day.


That same article goes on to say...
"Sometimes God wants us to do more than just ask Him for something: He wants us to look for the ways He's already at work in the situation and, often to take action. Our God is a God who can change lives, situations, hearts, and events. He often leads us to pray about things we honestly think are out of the question. But He has the power to do the impossible. He's a God who longs to hear from you and answer the prayers you offer today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your life."


Lord, may I never take You for granted. God forbid I see you as my equal...just Someone else to please. Father, forgive me for wasting the precious time You've blessed me with especially with my children. Lord, I'm asking that You take over my life...my home...my schedule...my "list"...and make them Yours. May You be the One to plan my days. Lord, help me to fall deeply in love with You so that I may love You with all my heart, my soul, & might...that I might live that so that my girls will know You. Thank You for Your mercy & grace....more than that, Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness.