Happy Birthday Jesus!

Well...Merry Christmas to you all. I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've posted. There has been so much going on from Emma having pneumonia & going to the doctor 4 days in a row to taking in Chloe for fever and realizing she had an ear infection. Whew!...when my kids get sick...they get sick. We are all 3 fighting a terrible cold and cough. I think we may all be on the mend though.

We are in Ohio with NO snow. I was shocked. It was 64 degrees here today...supposed to be 38 tomorrow. Crazy weather.

Blessings...where in the world do I begin. We are always showered with TONS of gifts from both sides of the family. My kids are SO spoiled...well...me too I suppose. I try not to forget that we could be that family that has lost their jobs...that has a home that is in foreclosure....that mom or dad that has to stand in line for food stamps just to feed our family. We are blessed to be able to be a family once again this year. We could be that marriage that split this year. We could be that family that lost a child or mom or dad this year. I have NO idea why Jesus continues to bless me and my family. We deserve hell....we deserve nothing good...yet, He loves us....He continues to make Himself known in our lives whether through blessings or trials. Praise You Lord...for the good and the not so good.
I just wanted to say how blessed I am to have each of you as friends. Thanks for sticking by us through the thick and the thin.

Jesus, I'm blessed to be called Your child. Thank You for being real in my life. Happy Birthday and thank You for dying for me...my kids...my family...my world. Praise You today and always

Christmas Pictures

We ventured out to Portrait Innovations yesterday for our annual Christmas pictures. Here are the results. Enjoy!

Living Free

Well, I seem to be out of my funk...well...today at least. I was in my devotions this morning. The Lord really seemed to be speaking to me. I've struggled for 3 weeks to really hear Him. Not because He wasn't speaking but I think I just had so much going on...so much noise...in my mind that I tuned Him out. Sad, I know. I completely failed the test He put before me though I strive to hang on. This morning I was reading in "Living Free" by Beth Moore. It was talking about pride vs. humility and how to reach humility. Here's what got me...

"Let's allow the circumstances, weaknesses, and any thorns in the flesh that God has chosen to leave to do the job they were sent to do~~provoke humility."

I have allowed some circumstances, some weaknesses and some definite thorns to defeat me the past 3 weeks. I've really been trying to cling to the verse He's given me for this funk...

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14 (NIV)

May God bless you all today.

My Funk

I would like to begin by appologizing for my delay in posting. I'm not really sure why I haven't posted accept that I've been in a funk lately. Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love Christmas lights, candles, music, the whole 9 yards. However, I haven't even been able to listen to Christmas music this year. It makes me sad for some reason. Like I said, I can't really explain my funk...I just know it's there.


I'm sincerely trying to put the principles of my Bible study, "Believing God," into practice. Here is the 5 statement pledge...

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.

He's proved Himself over and over to me. Therefore, I have no reason to doubt Him. I have been allowing satan to win the battle in my mind though. I'm sure that's the reason for the funk I'm in. I'm currently living in my circle of defeat...struggling to make it out. One thing that brings me complete and total peace is that God hasn't given up on me...no matter what my state of mind is. I know He's in control. I'm just trying to let Him have it. I promise I'll be better about writing. I really have some pretty funny stories to share about my kids.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Thanksgiving. I'm so blessed. As I look back over the year, so much has changed. I wanted to take a second and write down just 10 things I'm thankful for this season in no particular order...

1. My Lord & Savior
2. the Word of God
3. my husband, Don
4. Emma & Chloe
5. my family in NC
6. my family in OH
7. living next door to my sister
8. my close friends
9. my Bible study
10. smiles & laughter

May you all be blessed beyond measure everyday but especially today.

Snow Days

Well...here I sit in the great state of Ohio. We journeyed up north on Saturday when Don got off work. We left at around 9:15am and arrived here in OH at around 7pm...LONG DAY! I haven't really been feeling too well either. The entire trip I battled with some sort of nausea feeling. I'm sure it's the same thing that's been going around at home. I've been trying to pray a prayer of faith (James 5:15) that the Lord would heal whatever alien thing is in my body so I can enjoy my Thanksgiving with the in-laws.

It's pretty cold here. It's been snowing all morning. I'll have pictures later, I promise. It's just so beautiful seeing it all fall. The beauty of it is even more gorgeous when you don't have to get out in it and run errands! The kids apparently love snow. When we were driving up, all 3 of the kids (Don, Emma & Chloe) fell asleep. When Emma woke, she screamed out for me to stop. I turned around to see what the matter was, and she was just excited to see snow on the ground in WV....you know..."the big white fluffy snow" as she called it. It was so cute.

We've spent the morning preparing some new dishes for the Thanksgiving meal we'll have on Thursday. I'm sure the afternoon will have lots to present. Have a blessed day!

Layers

Ok...just had to post this. Last night I had a night out with a friend. I came home and Don was watching Survivor. I asked..."are the kids in bed?" He said, "Yeah, they should be asleep by now." I was having my doubts since I had seen Chloe's light on in her room. I head that way and as I'm opening the door, this is what I saw....

Under her pjs, Emma wearing 9 shirts and 7 pairs of shorts/capris.

Emma & Chloe being silly.

I thought Don and I were going to pee our pants. I can't believe she was able to put them all on. She looks like a football player with all kinds of padding under her clothes. We rolled. Then, she thought she was a hoot!

Distorted Views

I would like to begin by apologizing that I haven't posted in a while. I'm really at a loss for words it seems. I've been extremely busy trying to get up our Christmas decorations (yes, I know that it's not even Thanksgiving yet & yes, I have talked about people before for doing this), but I was trying to get them up before we leave for OH for Thanksgiving. When we come back, it will be December. What's really funny is, we had told Emma & Chloe we were going to Grandma's for Thanksgiving. After we put up the tree, she looked at me puzzled and said "I thought we were going to Grandma's for Thanksgiving??" I replied, "We are." She said, "Then why do we have up the Christmas tree?" I guess she thought maybe she missed Thanksgiving. Pictures of the tree will be coming soon.

Let's see...what else has been going on?? Oh...I got the girls' hair cut. They are SOOO cute. However, Emma decided she wanted to be a beautician and she decided to CUT HER OWN HAIR!! Urggg...she now has bangs. I must admit, she did a good job! I am still quite furious over it. I guess she'll wear a headband from now til it grows out. Again, I'll try to post some pictures later.

Don didn't get the job he interviewed for. He really wasn't surprised though. I guess that means he stays on 3rd shift for a while. Oh well...I know that God has a plan and purpose.

Speaking of God...He's been teaching me quite a bit lately. Well...trying anyway. In the Bible study I'm doing, I'm learning (again) that God is who He says He is. That means He is Unconditional Love. I've learned that my view of Him has been quite distorted. I'm His child and He loves me even when I'm unlovable. That's hard to take. I tend to forget that God is God and not a human....and He is not limited by the human mind like I am. I wanted to share how He has been showing me my views of Him (as twisted as they are).

I spank my kids. It really doesn't bother Emma too much. Chloe, on the other hand, is different. The other night I was at my mom's. They were disobedient, so they both got spankings. I then put them on the couch for a few minutes. Emma was like "no big deal". Chloe just wanted me to hold her. I told her no...that she was in time out. My mom says to me..."She sure doesn't like it when you're mad at her, huh?" I replied, "I'm not mad. I just want her to obey when I tell her to do something or not to do something." That was that.

The next morning in my quiet time with Him, He spoke. I was thinking about how I truly viewed the Lord. My mind was flooded with the previous scene. I realized that that is how I view God....meaning, when I do something wrong whether I'm punished directly or not, He doesn't want me...doesn't want to put His arms around me. I sobbed. Truly, because I don't feel that way about Chloe. I love her no matter what but had conveyed the opposite to her. I cringed at the thought of the times I had pushed her away after she had been punished. Not only did I have a terribly distorted view of the Lord, but I had conveyed to my child that when she did something wrong, I didn't want to "love her up". Broken doesn't even begin to express how I was feeling.
I've begged the Lord...
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; renew a right spirit within me." Ps. 51:10
You see create here in the hebrew is bara which means to create from nothing. There is nothing good in me. The Lord must create that clean heart and right spirit.

Father, I praise You that You are Unconditional Love. I thank You that no matter what I do, I'll always be Your child and You will always love me. Please Lord, change my views of You. Help me to believe Your Word...that You are who You say You are.

Happy Birthday!

Happy 33rd Birthday Don!

Thank you for...

• making my life what it is
• making me smile even when I don't feel like it
• balancing me out
• taking care of our family
• working 3rd shift even though it's not ideal
• being a good daddy

Those are just a few of the things I'm thankful for about you. You are the only man for me! I praise God that He knew us both before He put us together...He knew exactly what we would need in each other. Thank you for loving me. Have a blessed birthday, my sweet. I love you!

The man of their dreams!

Absent-minded

I feel quite absent-minded on a regular basis. Honestly. If I don't write something down, poof...there it goes, right out the window. And sometimes it goes out the window even if I do write it down. Go figure!
That's kinda how I feel with my devotions. Right now, I'm struggling with living out the Word of God. I have my quiet time with the Lord, but when I close my Bible, it's like before...POOF...out the window. I can't seem to recall what God was speaking to me about. I hate that. I want so much to remain in the Spirit, to think on His promptings, to dwell in His truths and to snack on His Bread all day long. But I can't seem to get past myself. I, all too often, stand in the way of the Lord. I'm learning that my quiet time is to be more than what it has been. To be in a relationship with someone, you long to know all there is to know about that person...you long to talk to that person on a regular, frequent basis. The more I know God and the more I know about God, the more I'll be like Him. But you know what...with great knowledge comes great responsibility (I have no idea where I heard that...it could even be a verse somewhere). Therefore, the more we come to know Him, the more that is required of us...the more we are responsible for. It seems that the more I've come to know about my Lord, the more He's allowed testing in that area, to continue fashioning me into that pot He wants me to be to be able to carry out the purpose for which He placed me here.
Sorry I've been all over the place tonight...just typing my heart.

Father, I love what I'm learning about You. I love the fact that just like with Abraham You have the power to do what You have promised. I love that I can depend on You for all I need...that no matter how far I run, you still pursue me. Lord, thank You so much for Your grace. Thank You that You're not done with me yet.

Romans 4:16-24
"Therefore, the promise comes by faith (or believing), so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all. As it is written: 'I have made you a father of many nations.' He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why 'it was credited to him as righteousness.' The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead."

My All in All

After my post yesterday, the war was on. I will first say that I'm not sure where the tests originated. I'm not sure if the Lord was just testing me or if satan himself approached the Lord for permission to battle me. Nonetheless, I battled.

My first battle was not really being sure who would keep my kids. I had 2 options, but keeping them was not convenient for either one of them. So, I felt bad about having to put them out. Then, I realized Emma wasn't feeling well. She was running a low grade fever, almost 101, so I gave her some Motrin. I still thought...ok...I can handle this even though I became quite emotional. My supper took forever to cook. I told you about Don's interview, so I was trying to hurry so he wouldn't be late. Chloe nor Emma would eat dinner. Emma, I understood...after all, she wasn't feeling well. As Don got ready for work, his human resources mgr. called and wondered where he was. He apparently had a 4:30 interview as well...not just a 5:30 interview. He was devastated as you can imagine. He left upset....I was more upset.
As I walked in the house, the Lord brought this verse to my mind...
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3
So, I tried to rest in that thought. I came in. Emma got some tea to drink. Not 5 minutes later, she proceeds to throw up "orange" (probably Motrin & tea mixed...yuck!) all over my light tan carpet. Ok...so now what. I still had my Bible study at 7:15. No one wants to watch a sick child....I didn't want to leave her sick. Not to mention I couldn't get the stain out of my carpet. After my emotional break-down, I prayed for a word from the Lord. This is what He gave me...
"... Believe ye that I am able to do this?...According to your faith be it unto you." Matthew 9:28-29
Both of these statements were said by Jesus. They were for me, because He seemed to keep to asking me, "are you going to believe me or not?" I did believe Him, and asked Jesus to please heal her with no more throwing up so I could still go to my Bible study.

God is so faithful. Even after all that, He still made Himself real to me. I guess He must have thought I needed some "examples" for my study. :)

Why do we doubt Him? He has proven Himself to us...to me...time after time. Because He is all knowing, He already knows our struggles...our doubts....our insecurities. This morning I was reading and studying Ephesians 1:11-23. This has so many little nuggets in it. But one that I wanted to point out is from vs. 19. He tells us that He wants us to know "...what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe...". This power is compared to the power He had when Christ was raised from the dead. When we believe a promise God has given us, we have greatness of His power. That should be encouraging.

Then in vs. 22 (NIV) it says..."And God placed all things under his feet...". What does all mean? ALL. He is Lord over ALL. When you step on things, they are not moving unless you pick up your feet. All includes me. When I'm put under pressure, God will not let me fall. He has me under His foot...keeping me within His reach. I'll never get too far from Him.

Thank You Lord for being my ALL.

Big Day

Today is a big day for a couple of reasons. First of all, the obvious....a new president will be elected. I'm not very political. I read the topics, look at the stand that each candidate makes on that topic and vote based on the Word of God. It really wasn't a hard decision even though neither candidate is perfect for the job in my eyes.

Second of all, Don has a huge interview tonight at work. It's an internal interview for a 1st shift position. He would love (did I stress LOVE enough) to be able to come off of 3rd shift even if it's in the same position he has now. We are praying God's will for our family though because it will greatly affect our family life.

Thirdly, tonight I will start the Bible Study, Believing God, that He has called me to lead. This past week and especially today have been so hard. Satan is obviously attacking. I am praying for each lady signed up to come. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you have signed up, satan is fighting and will do all in his power to keep you from attending. Please don't let him win. The Lord has something for us to hear tonight.

Father, I bow down before You, Omniscient and Omnipotent. Thank You for having our future in Your control.

Infinite Grace

Well, I'm headed to the Women of Faith Conference today. It's theme this year is "Infinite Grace". I feel like I need a little grace lately. I'm so glad I serve the God of infinite grace. He has just the right amount for me when I need it most. He's a right on time God. I praise Him this morning for knowing what I need, when I need it, and how much of it I need to make me more like Him.

I read one verse this morning. My Bible was open already. I looked up and here's the verse...

"Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity." Ecc. 1:2

As I searched the study notes of my Bibles to see just what this meant, this is what I come up with. Vanity is futility, which means meaningless, emptiness, nothingness, that which is futile or worthless, of no value or profit. Pursuing anything that God is not in is vanity. Whether it be money, a certain job, a baby, a Bible study, recognition, fixing a problem and not waiting on Him, etc...you name it...ANYTHING that is not of God is vanity...worthless, meaningless.
This kind of ties in with what I've been studying about in my quiet time this week. One ugly word...PRIDE. Did you know that pride is not the opposite of a low self-esteem?? Pride is the opposite of humility which means "to lower oneself, to be brought low". Beth says in the study "Living Free"...

"When we see God as He is, we automatically see ourselves as we are. Low self-esteem means I see myself as low~not because God is great, but because I have little value. Pride is self-absorption, whether we're absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are. Humility is God-focused not self-focused."

I am praying for a little grace this weekend. All too much of what I've been trying to do lately has been with great vanity. I am trying to learn to do everything I do with honoring Him in mind. But to do that we need His strength and His direction.

Father, I pray for Your strength and guidance this morning. To do anything You've asked me to do, I need You. You've called me to be a wife, a mother, a teacher and to lead a Bible study just to name a few. I'm asking for Your power. To honor You will only be with Your strength. I have nothing to give that would be pleasing to You. Thank You for your grace and mercy just when I need it.

Effective Ads

I will preface all of this by saying that Don and I do not talk politics (in front of the kids or otherwise really). Kids really do hear what is said, even when we think they're not listening. Yesterday, Emma came up to me and this was our conversation...
E: Barak Obama is mean.
M: What?
E: Barak Obama is mean.
M: What do you know about Barak Obama?
E: I know he's mean.
I was floored. Then because Obama was in Raleigh, they had him speaking on the noon news. We walked in the room together and they had not mentioned his name.
M: Emma, who is that on TV?
E: That's Barak Obama.

I guess it goes to show you that the ads for this election are getting through. I wonder if she knows who McCain is?? I wonder who she would vote for if allowed??? I guess it goes to show you that we do make an impact on children with the words we use and the way we use them.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Consuming Thoughts

I've really struggled lately trying to bring myself to put into words what my heart is feeling. In my quiet time, the Lord has been showing me some things. What consumes my thoughts? Mark 4:14-20 talks about the parable of the sower. This is where I've camped for a while.

Vs. 15 talks about the 1st kind of people..."they by the wayside" which are the unresponsive people. These people fail to respond to the Word so satan removes it quickly. How many times does the Lord nudge me to call someone, write a note, say a word about Him that I quickly dismiss and then...it's gone. The Lord then uses someone else.
The 2nd kind of people is found in vs. 16-17. Here it's the "stony ground" or impulsive people. These people immediately receive the Word, but not counting the cost. There are no deep roots here; we believe for a while until trouble or persecution comes, and we quickly fall away. I don't want to fail the tests God allows in my life, but boy, am I feeling weak. My spirit seems broken with all the sadness I am enduring personally and that of others which brings me to point #3.
The 3rd is "those among thorns" or the preoccupied people. Here we allow legitimate matters ("cares of this world") and illegitimate matters ("the deceitfulness of riches and the lusts of other things") to take priority over the Word. The Lord never said that the cares of this world that we bare are bad, but He did say for us to cast all our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7).
4th is "the good ground". Here we hear and receive or take to heart the Word which bares the fruits of faith, obedience and fidelity.

Father, I feel as if You are tilling my garden...trying to make me "good ground" to bare much fruit for You. You know my heart and the fears and tears that reside within. Father, I pray that the moment I begin to allow those to choke out Your Word and Your Promises to me, that You would nudge me...remind me that You are near. I'm nothing without You, Lord. I have NO strength of my own, so I MUST have Yours to be able to carry on. Infiltrate me through Your Hands. I love You Lord.

Happy Birthday Charlie!

Just wanted to say happy 25th birthday to Charlie, my brother. It was actually yesterday. Love you...

Beth & Charlie on their wedding day, Sept. 6th.

Trunk or Treat

Tonight our church hosted it's annual "Trunk or Treat". For those of you not familiar with that, it's where people dress up their trunks and put tons of candy in. Some people dress up with a theme and give out candy. Others just put the candy in their trunks and walk around. It's safe and fun and what we do in place of Halloween. They had a blast. Here are the "Justice Babies" as they called themselves.

Gracie, Chloe, Ethan and Emma

Chloe and Emma showing their "superhero powers".

Broken

Simple word, isn't it? However, it packs such a punch in our lives. I'm extremely heavy laden this morning. My heart is breaking for families all around me. Ones facing terminal illnesses, sicknesses, marital issues ,and just brokenness. God blessed me with the the gift of mercy. I know this because it was based on a long list of my misuses of the gift. I tend to want to do my best to fix the problems and heartaches of the ones I love. But, Isaiah 55:8-9 says...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
God has a plan...a purpose for the troubles and trials we face. Now, do I understand it all? No way. Do I understand why a young, new mother of a 4, 2, & 5 day old is facing death with the diagnosis of stage 4 cancer? No. Do I understand why a family I love faces a broken home and the possibility of divorce? No. But God knows and He has a plan for making us more like Him. I think the thing that really weighs on me most is even just in these 2 particular instances I described, it could be MY circumstances. I'm not above anything either of these 2 particular families are facing.
However, I refuse to live in the pit today. I will think on the promises of God. I will remember He is Lord of ALL....the Beginning and the End...my Comfort and my Refuge.

Lord, thank You for being those things. Thank You that You never allow more to happen to us than we need. I pray for all the families on my heart this morning. Lord, You're the only Hope most of these families have including my own. Help my thoughts be captivated by You and honoring You. Thank You, Lord, for being my All in all.

The Beginning and The End

I wanted to share what the Lord showed me in my quiet time yesterday. I really meant to do it yesterday, but there was just no time. I was reading Rev. 21:6...

"And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely."

I've read that verse many times, but yesterday I read the study notes in my Bible concerning that verse. It said that the beginning represented the origin of ALL things and the end represented the goal or aim of ALL things. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with what the Lord has been teaching me lately. For satan to tempt me or put pressure on me of any kind, he must first go to Jesus since He's the origin of ALL things (good and bad). My goal or aim for every thing I'm faced with should be Jesus and bringing Him glory and honor. It goes on to say that the water of life represented eternal sustenance and provisions. Dictionary.com said that sustenance was...
1. means of sustaining life; nourishment.
2. means of livelihood.
3. the process of sustaining.
4. the state of being sustained.
That nourishment could be physical, spiritual or emotional. The Lord also seemed to show me that the fountain was the source...where the water came from. So if we are thirsty, He promised "I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely." We must just come to Him.

Father, thank You that You are the beginning and the end just like Your Word says. Thank You that when I'm thirsty, all I need to do is come to that fountain for a drink of Your Nourishment. Thank You that it's free, and that it doesn't depend on anything I do or don't do. I certainly don't deserve it.

The State Fair

Yesterday we took a trip to the state fair. We had a nice time despite things being so crazy. Don had to work last night so we had to be home by 1pm so he could take a nap. It was definitely a quick trip.

Don & Chloe on Ferris wheel.

Emma & I on Ferris wheel.

Emma & Chloe loved the PBSKids tent.

Happy Anniversary!

Sunday was our 6th wedding anniversary. Saturday night my sister very willingly kept my kids overnight for us to have a night alone. We started out with a movie in Raleigh...Fireproof. I strongly recommend. It was wonderful. We then we to Kanki Japanese Steakhouse at Crabtree Mall for dinner. It was really good. We needed some time alone. I got my sis to decorate our bedroom with rose petals, candles, sparkling cider...the whole bit. She did a great job and Don was super surprised. We had a nice time.

Here we are at Kanki.

To Don....I love you more today than I did 6 years ago. I feel blessed and honored that the Lord gave you to me to grow old with. You are my world. Thank you for your sacrifices. I know I make life hard for you sometimes. Thank you for providing for our family. You make me complete. I love you!

Busy Week

Well, I really can't believe it's been a whole week since I posted last. Things have been busy around here. Last Monday the girls went to the doctor to get flu shots (which they didn't have...uggh) and checkups...so that was a trip to Dunn. Tuesday was another trip to Dunn for Mom2Mom at our church. We left there and went to the park for a picnic.

Emma posing!

Chloe cheesing it!

Wednesday was yet another trip to Dunn for church that evening. Thursday was so fun. We took kids to Chick-fil-A for lunch. Then we took yet another trip to the park to kill around 30 minutes. Then, we took them to the Smithfield Fire Dept. since it was fire safety week. We toured the station and then took some pictures. I'll post later.

Friday my sister, Pam, had a "Crocktober Fest" at her house. We all brought crockpots full of our favorites and then decorated pumpkins. Again...I'll post pictures later. I spent the majority of the day helping her get ready for that. It was a late night but so much fun. It was good to just to fellowship a little.

Seeking Perfect Peace

Well...it seems the Lord is really trying to teach me a thing or two....or three...or four! Why is it SO incredibly hard to trust the Lord and believe His promises?? He's proven Himself time and time again....so why is it so hard? I've been faced with many tests this past week...some I have shared and some I haven't. Just so you all know, I'm failing ~ or so it seems.

I have the truths God has promised me. I just need the peace to rest in them.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)

"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You."
Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

Lord, forgive me for failing yet again....for allowing satan to have my mind where the battles started and have been. Lord, please help me to lean on You...to hope confidently in You...and to keep my thoughts fixed and focused on You~not the struggles I'm facing. I lift You up and praise Your Holy Name for You are worthy and worthy to be praised.

Building Cathedrals

I know the title has gotten you all wondering if I've gone off the deep end. I really do want to take some time to post what the Lord has been speaking to me, but right now is not the time. I wanted to share a story I received by email from one of my closest friends (thanks Sandy)...the story that's behind the title of this post. It truly made an empact on me. Hope you enjoy it.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car-to-order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude--but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going...she's going...she's gone!
One night a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress--it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic.

Then Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read--no, devour--the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals--we have no record of their names.
2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,"Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder: as one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." ~ Gal. 6:9

Struggling in the Battlefield

Well, today has definitely been a war zone for me. The battlefield of my mind has been raging and active since I got out of bed. I must say that I'm failing the test....the test of thinking on things that are true versus thinking on all the lies I've accepted today.

I'm quite discouraged in many areas of my life today. The first being homeschooling Emma. I tried to switch things around this morning and have her do school this morning rather than this afternoon. So up to the school room we went...Emma, Chloe and myself. Chloe wasn't the problem...she seemed quite content for the 30-40 minutes we were up there. We finally quit after I fell apart and cried....I even made Emma cry because I was so upset. I'm just so frustrated and feel like such a failure. I want to fill the role....I want to be able to homeschool her. However, I am just having a hard time figuring out how. We are definitely not on the same page. I feel like I need a teacher to come in and show me how to do things. That's the kind of personality I have.....show me, and I usually have it.

And that's an example of exactly what I typed yesterday. Here I have these bad actions, thoughts & attitudes, and I'm repulsed that I've failed the test (AGAIN!). Why do I feel so defeated?...Because it starts in my mind. I've listened to satan tell me because she can't tell me the sounds of the 4 vowels we've covered, that I'm a failure....because she doesn't seem to be "getting it", I'm a failure. Oh, how Beth Moore nailed it when she said the battlefield starts in the mind!

Oh well, I definitely have to ask the Lord to forgive me for sulking in my sorrows. I can't seem to fight the dreadful feeling...."I" can't do anything. I just need to rely on His strength. Allow Him to be my Stronghold...not the lies. Oh if it were that easy....to say and then it to be. Sorry if I haven't been encouraging today.

O Lord, I pray You would forgive me for trying to do things in my own strength...for listening to the enemy and then choosing to believe him over You...for not resting in the peace Your Truth brings. Father, take over my mind. You said in Your Word, the battle is not mine but Yours. Thank You that You continue to fight for me Lord. May glory be brought to Your Name this day.

" Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.... Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you. " (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17)

Living Free

I'm still standing still waiting to hear from the Lord the specifics of the new Bible study I will lead, "Believing God"...mostly the when and the who part. So, because I need structure in my quiet time, I moved to a study I bought probably 8 years ago and never did. It's called "Living Free" by Beth Moore. I'm sure this was God-ordained. I decided I would do this study but without a time table...meaning if I had something else I wanted to study over or read, I would put this study aside and not stress over it.

I wanted to share what the Lord has been showing me. Day 1 was all about demolishing strongholds. First of all, I wanted to tell you the definition of stronghold. It's...
"anything that exalts itself in our minds, pretending to be bigger or more powerful than our God. It steals our focus and causes us to feel overpowered. Controlled. Mastered....It consumes so much of our emotional and mental energy that it strangles our abundant life. Our callings remain unfulfilled, and our believing lives become ineffective."
I have SO many of these....so many lies that satan whispers that seem to control me and make me feel hopeless and defeated. So how do we demolish these?

Did you know that the Lord is our stronghold too?! Ps. 27:1 says...
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
The NIV says stronghold instead of strength. Then in 2 Samuel 22:2, it says...
"...The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer"
As Beth points out in her study, the Hebrew word for fortress here is migav which means "refuge, stronghold".
I'm so glad that even though I have all these negative strongholds in my life, I belong to the One who is The Stronghold. Nothing is too great for Him. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Nothing satan has up his sleeve is shocking to the Lord. I don't know about you, but that brings me such peace....that I serve a Living God that is Omniscient and Omnipotent. I can live 2 Cor. 10:5...
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"...
and know that God is greater than anything I can face.

Day 2 talked about our minds. She said, "When Satan wages war against us, the primary battlefield is the mind." I never really thought about that before. The things, the strongholds, I struggle with start in my mind. She goes on to say, "We struggle with a pattern of thoughts, words, or actions. We promise ourselves that we'll never do it again. We even genuinely hate the behavior involved. Then we hear those hated words come out of our mouths or we realize we've done it again, and we feel like pond scum. In this process we often make a basic mistake. We assume our behavior is the battlefield and the goal is to change our actions."
All this seems to come back to believing God. You see we tend to act like we believe. If we don't believe all the promises the Lord has given us, we won't act like it. When we believe those lies satan so craftily whispers, he wins. His primary purpose in the life of a child of God is to get that child's mind...he already knows he can't have that child's soul because it belongs to God. So then, why do we...why do I believe those things?...those lies? I don't have the answer. Sometimes I wish the Lord would just take control...complete control of me...no free will...but then of course, I'd only be a puppet, not His follower. What glory would that bring Him?
I have all these truths in my head...I know all the right verses. My only problem seems to be getting those truths from my head to my heart...18" makes a huge difference. I long to feel His heartbeat....to do that I must be oh so close to Him.

Father, You know my insecurities today, my weaknesses, my strongholds. I claim 2 Cor. 10:5 and I cast those things at Your feet. You are greater than them all. Lord, I long to think like You, act like You and believe like You. I praise You that though satan may win the battle today, Lord, You have won the war. He will one day bow down to You. Thank You that even when I fail, You still are there to pick me up and set my feet in the right direction. Help thou my unbelief Lord!

Time

Well, it's hard to believe October is here already. Before I know it, it'll be Christmas, and I'll still be sitting here with nothing done in awe that it's Christmas. I'm such a procrastinator...it's really a terribly negative trait of mine. It's so funny how the Lord speaks to me sometimes. So here's what I'm talking about.

Just this morning, I had picked up "In Touch" magazine just to flip through it while my kids attempted to get their chores done. The very first page hit me with conviction. These were the verses the Lord screamed out at me....


Ephesians 5:15-17
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is."


NASB says "making the most of your time". I felt that twinge of conviction, but of course I ignored it and rationalized how I spent my time. I continued reading, flipping through the pages. I come to another article. Would you believe the exact same Scripture appeared in a totally different article???!


So now God really has my attention, and I'm really convicted about not using my time wisely. I've discovered lately especially with the "Believing God" Bible study, that I'm quite lazy. You see I believe we all, as children of God, want a deep-rooted relationship with Christ. However, it is something that must be pursued. That deep relationship with Him doesn't just happen. I mean how can we really believe God for something HUGE when we don't even meet with Him daily. I never realized how much He desired to meet with me. And then there are the days that I do meet with Him, but I don't...make sense. ~ It's just something else checked off the list. ~ And that how sometimes He still chooses to speak to me and honor my feeble attempts at seeking Him. What a Merciful & Gracious God we serve!


I often wondered how to fulfill Deuteronomy 6:5-9....
"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates"

There is no way for me to teach my children that when it's not in my heart. How can I love Him with all my heart, my soul, & my might if I'm not spending quality time with Him each day and even throughout the day.


That same article goes on to say...
"Sometimes God wants us to do more than just ask Him for something: He wants us to look for the ways He's already at work in the situation and, often to take action. Our God is a God who can change lives, situations, hearts, and events. He often leads us to pray about things we honestly think are out of the question. But He has the power to do the impossible. He's a God who longs to hear from you and answer the prayers you offer today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your life."


Lord, may I never take You for granted. God forbid I see you as my equal...just Someone else to please. Father, forgive me for wasting the precious time You've blessed me with especially with my children. Lord, I'm asking that You take over my life...my home...my schedule...my "list"...and make them Yours. May You be the One to plan my days. Lord, help me to fall deeply in love with You so that I may love You with all my heart, my soul, & might...that I might live that so that my girls will know You. Thank You for Your mercy & grace....more than that, Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness.

Ok...so another funny story!

I'll begin this by telling you that Emma & Chloe LOVE bandaids. Now, that said...here's the story. I was in the kitchen cleaning up dinner dishes, and I was missing Emma. She was TOO quiet. I found her in my bathroom with the door locked...1st sign of guiltiness. I knocked on the door and told her to unlock it. (In the background, scrambling sounds....2nd sign of guiltiness.) I knock again and raise my voice telling her to open the door. I then started my famous counting. 1....2....3....4...click...the door unlocks. I open it and there she stands with about 10 bandaids on her feet. I was furious because she was wasting the bandaids I had just bought. Then, I kinda got tickled. I grabbed the camera because I thought this was blog-worthy. I tried not to let her see me laughing. Too funny....

Funny Story

Yesterday, Emma & Chloe were sitting together in a chair watching TV. Sweet, right? Well, Emma was sucking her left thumb (normal occurrence) and had her right thumb just sticking out (?). I think maybe Chloe found this intriguing. Chloe, who does not suck her thumb, started sucking Emma's thumb. I guess I must back up a bit and let you all know that Emma especially LOVES TV. She goes into "the zone" while it's on where I have to repeatedly call her name to get her attention. Anyway, back to the story... Emma completely freaked out. Chloe was sick yesterday and Emma screamed..."Her germs are on me now....I'm gonna be sick too!" I just thought they were so funny. Chloe just loves to get Emma's attention any way she can! I think she succeeded. The things kids do...

Believe Me Now

Here's a song I found. It really touched me, and I'm trying to learn it to sing next Sunday at church. Hope you all enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2xqhAYprUs

Coming to the Brink

Well, I've finally chosen to get into the blog world. I wanted to begin by first explaining the name of the blog. I've just finished the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore. To say that it was life altering is an understatement. A lot of the study was based out of Joshua. I feel like the Lord has definitely told me to lead this same study. I have so many questions. When? Where? How? Oh, that He would fill me with His awesome Presence! Lord, I'm waiting on You!


Well, last Sunday we had a guest speaker at our church, Lee Ingram. He has been fighting cancer for 2 years. Sunday night's message was as if the Lord Himself had walked up to me, sat down, and began to talk. Pastor Ingram spoke out of Joshua 3. In this passage, it was right before the children of Israel crossed over the Jordan River into their promised land. He said the Lord gave Joshua 5 commands for the people to follow...

1. Come to the brink of the water ~ this is the point where you decide if you are going to follow His commands...that is what He has asked you to believe Him for. Often we must take that first step into our Jordan to show God that we really do believe Him and that we are serious. (vs. 8) The scary part of this is that the water was at flood stage, overflowing it's banks. So, does this mean we are to step into those waters too? What if the waters are raging? Stormy? Calm? Does it take more faith to step into calm waters or raging, stormy ones? I'm not sure of the answer there. But one thing is for sure...we must step in.

2. Stand still in the midst of the Jordan ~ this is often the hardest place to be because you have accepted and believed Him for the call to do what He has asked. Now, you have to decide are you going to wait on Him or take things into your own hands??!! This is the waiting part...the "must be patient" part. (vs. 8)

3. Hear the Words of the Lord your God ~ You must be still and in the Word for the Lord to speak through His Word. (vs. 9)

4. Know that the living God is among you ~ KJV says, "Hereby..." or because of this "ye will know that the Lord your God is among you". It goes on to say in that same verse that "He will without fail" drive out all of those people from the promised land where the children of Israel were headed. Remember that the children had wandered in the wilderness for 40 years at this point. (vs. 10)

5. Behold (or see) ~ behold or see what? The "the ark of the covenant of the LORD of all the earth passeth over before you into Jordan. " (vs. 11) The ark of the covenant represents the heavenly power of God coming into our presence.


Ok...all of that to say that I am now standing still in several areas that I believe the Lord has called me to. So this is the reason for the name of the blog. I am still working to get into my promised land. I'm so thankful that Jesus doesn't give up on me...that even when I retreat from the brink of the water, whether it be a stormy water or calm water, He's always there to meet me and gently bring me back.

O Father, praise You that You are my Deliverer, my Comfort, my Solace. Thank You Lord for choosing to speak to me, for pressing me to do this blog, for the leading me to do the "Believing God" Bible study. You are Holy and Merciful. I pray that this blog would be a reflection of You and what You are doing in my life. May it not only encourage others to believe in You, Lord, but may it encourage others to believe You for something huge. Bless the writer and the reader Lord. In Your Holy Name, Amen!