The Enemies We Face

Well...I started the Bible Study by Beth Moore, "A Woman's Heart". So far, it's been so good. I'm only in week 2. I never thought I become so intrigued by the story of the children of Israel in the wilderness. I wish I had time to write down each little thing the Lord has shown me already, but I don't. I would like to share something that the Lord gave to Beth that has spoken volumes to me....

"What enemy are you facing today?
1. invite God to come between you and your enemy
2. invite God to 'open the eyes of your heart' so that you may recognize Him at work
3. count on Jesus; He NEVER fails"

I'm not sure what enemies you face today. Me?...well...most of the enemies I've faced lately have definitely been within my own mind. Fear....guilt...doubt...feelings of failure...insecurity...unbelief...the list could most definitely go on and on. The enemy wants us to fail...he doesn't want us to believe that God has our best in mind....he doesn't want us to trust God through all that He has allowed, because inevitably, God has allowed those things to bring Himself glory and to make us more like Him. I have to ask that question more than once a day. I know God has so much to teach me....after all, I'm a very, VERY leaky vessel.

Father, I pray that You will be before every enemy I face today. You placed Your pillars of cloud and fire between the children of Israel and Pharaoh's army to protect them. You are still that same God...that same Protector. Father, open my eyes that I might see things as You see them.

At A Loss For Words

I know you all can't believe this, but truly, I'm at a loss for words. Have you ever felt like the Lord was speaking to you, but you just didn't understand what it was He was trying to say? Well...it seems the Lord is trying to say something to me....I just can't seem to make it out. He has brought my memory to several different things this morning, but I'm not sure what it means. Have you ever been there or is it just me?
Last night my brother-in-law, Phil, spoke to the teenagers at church. He used just part of one verse.
2 Chronicles 16:9
"For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect (or at peace) toward him...."
Here was just the beginning of my journey. My first thought was..."I wonder if 'run' is a present active participle." I'll have to research that one. Anyway, I decided to read here. I read all of chapters 16-20. Through that the Lord took me to 2 Kings and the miracle with Elisha and the woman filling her pots with oil she couldn't have possibly had, and then the miracle with Elisha and the Shunemite woman. From there, He brought me here...to my blog....back to the beginning and how it came about in the first place. I know you must be confused...I am. Here's what I have so far...
1. The Lord wants to show Himself strong in my life
(2 Chron. 16:9)
2. Even when I'm not sure what He's saying to me, the battle is His and not mine (2 Chron. 20:12,15)
3. If you don't believe Him when He's told you to do something, it's as if you never heard Him to begin with.
(2 Kings 4:1-7)
4. Sometimes trusting Him in the middle of a raging river or storm is not what comes natural. You have to make a conscious effort to believe His promises to you.
(Josh. 3:8-11)
Now...I'm not sure whether I have even made it to the brink of the water yet or if He's asking me to stand still in the midst of it, but I am seeking His face...I am seeking His Word....I do want to hear from Him. I already have the promise from Ps. 9:10....the Lord will not forsake those who seek Him. Where are you in your walk? Seek Him....that's really what He wants.
Ironically, the title of this post says "at a loss for words"....I think I may have found a few. :)
Father, I long to hear You clearly. I long to do Your will. I long to trust You even in the middle of the greatest storm I may face. Show me....show me Your Face...let me feel Your Presence...Your Peace...Your Direction for my life. I praise You just like Jehoshaphat had the singers do on the army's way to the battle. You are worthy of more than I can offer You. Thank You for Your blessings on my life. May You be glorified in my life today.

In Times of Trouble

Well, here it is...the start of another month. This morning I was reflecting back on May. I asked the Lord..."Am I any closer to You now than I was a month ago?" The question seems rhetorical only because I can't seem to really measure that. Do I trust Him like I should? NO. Must I believe Him to survive? YES. I prayed this morning for a Word from Him. I have a personal situation that burdens me heavily. What do I say? What do I do? My sinful nature seems to be what always wants to come out. I want to protect the afflicted...the harmed. Isn't that just what the Lord wants? I mean when we are hurt by someone, doesn't the Lord stand up a little straighter and say..."Hey...that's MY daughter you're talking to!" I have to believe He does. After all, I've always heard the saying that we, His children, are the apple of His eye. I know that He allows some things to happen, which usually do make us stronger.
Here's my Word from the Lord today...
Psalm 9:9-10
"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee."
Refuge here means stronghold. This post goes into a lot of explanation about what a stronghold really is. But quickly, it is "anything that exalts itself in our minds...steals our focus...consumes much of our emotional and mental energy." LORD here is the covenant Lord...the Lord of promises....meaning this is a promise to us. Continue to seek Him...He will not forsake you. These verses are refrigerator and note card worthy in my book.

Lord, thank You for Your promises...Your Word. Thank You for the immediate answer to my prayer this morning. Thank You that You are my Stronghold and that You have not forsaken me or the circumstances that consume me at times. Thank You that the troubles I'm facing today are temporary....only for a season. I pray for added strength, peace, and courage that only You can give. Bless Your Name Lord! May I glorify You in all I set out to do today.

2 Months Later

Well hello again. No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth....just haven't posted. Even now, it's really hard for me to sit down and try to figure out what to say after so long. The past 2 months have been pretty normal around here.....ups and downs all around.
This past Friday was one of extreme emotion for me. I went to the school to register Emma for Kindergarten. Such an extreme wave of sadness, failure and nausea came over me. I literally cried all morning. I haven't with all honesty given up on the idea of homeschooling yet, but I have accepted the possibility that she may be going to public school unless something huge happens in the next couple of months to prevent it. I just HAVE to trust the Lord....to rely on Him...to put my confidence in Him. I have to focus my mind and heart on Him and not listen to the lies of the devil at this point....it's a struggle to not only avoid hearing those lies but to avoid believing them as well. I know the Lord is trying to teach me something. What?...you might ask....I have no idea. Maybe it is just to trust in Him. I feel like I need a pep rally from Beth Moore on believing God! :) She always fires me up!
My heart has been in so much turmoil lately...part of it has been the issue with Emma and school and the other just some personal things. I wish I could explain it so you don't all think I'm a lunatic. I need a new Bible study I think. I've been thinking about "A Woman's Heart" by Beth. I just need to do it.
Anyway, I am going to try to post more often. Thanks for being so faithful to check the blog. I will try to get some newer pictures up of the girls. They are growing SO fast.

Fighting For The Next Step

Yesterday in a nutshell was....challenging. I set out on the adventure of changing out my girls' clothes...you know....putting away the things that have gotten to small and bringing out the things that fit the body and season. Anyway, I was exhausted to say the least. So many times I wanted to sit down and quit...sometimes I did. I was also extremely frustrated with the girls. They fought all day yesterday. So by the time bedtime came around, I was EXCITED.
This morning I was asking the Lord to please help the day be better. I was looking through the Stepping Up book I finished. I received so much encouragement from the Lord. I don't think it was coincidence where I ended up reading. The Lord reminded me that the stage of life I'm in is just a step. This is what Beth said....
"On this mysterious pilgrimage, we will find that when we do meet difficulties and sorrows, they were not meant to stop us but to form the character required for our great harvest in the coming season...The more Satan sees something crucial on that next step, the more he will fight you."
And then the Lord seemed to say to me..."just like you were exhausted yesterday and wanted to quit with the clothes, you need to keep on keeping on....don't quit...this is an important fight you're fighting...I'm for you...I want you to win...I'm right here....I will help you." You see my girls have been a extreme challenge for me lately pushing me at every limit. They are important...they are my fight, and they are worth fighting for. Beth continues..."Sometimes God uses the fight to strengthen muscles we'll need at the next level." I know that this moment in my life is a fleeting one and that it will all too soon pass.

Lord today, I pray that You would help me see You and through Your eyes every situation I face. Help me to respond as You would. Help me not to quit....to sow the seed through tears so that when my children are older, the harvest that is reaped will glorify You.

Psalm 126:5
"Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy."

Another "Chloe" Funny

Saturday, my brother and his wife moved into their newly purchased home. Therefore, my mom and Emma & Chloe so Don & I could help. My mom was cooking some broccoli while the girls watched some TV. They were both laying on the floor with their hands behind their heads. Here was the conversation...

Chloe: Mema...I smell poop...(remember the cooking broccoli)...Mema...somebody's got poop...Emma....have you got poop? (Emma never even acknowledged her!!)...MeeMaa??

Mema: What Chloe?

Chloe: Is somebody pooping?

(My mother at this point is laughing uncontrollably. Chloe responds to that...)

Chloe: What's so funny?

Reminders

Tonight....well, tonight I feel as if the Lord Himself has brought me some reminders. The past hour or so I've been pondering things...things in my marriage...things with the girls...burdens of others. It's overwhelming, you know that?

I've come to the realization that first of all, God has a plan. (I know...I never claimed it was rocket science...just a realization.) His ways are higher than mine....His thoughts are higher than mine. Amen, hallelujah and PRAISE THE LORD!! All that to say that, if I'm not careful, I become fearful of the unknown...the things out of my control. You see He's not surprised by ANYTHING that happens....NOTHING! That alone makes Him worthy of my trust and my praise.

You see, tonight I can think of so many overwhelming situations....a marriage on the rocks....a disagreement between Don & I....my girls not listening to me...me being ineffective as a mom...insecurities galore....a friend that just lost her sister...a 30 yr old that's just been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has already spread to other parts of her body who also has a 3 yr old....lost jobs....a blogger mom that I read whose son was fine Saturday and is now in a PICU with an uncertain future. Where does it end? I tell you where it ends....with Him. Without Jesus, every single one of those situations and ones I didn't even mention are hopeless situations. Aren't you glad He knows? When I hear of some of the previous mentioned situations, I often put myself there...and feel what they might feel. You know...I could have the marriage on the rocks and not just a disagreement...I could be the mom that's just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer....I could be (you fill in the blank).... BUT...I'm not....right now anyway. So....



Lord, tonight I praise You through tears of gladness that I'm not facing some of those circumstances right now....through tears of sorrow for those who are...and through tears of relief and peace that You are HERE and You are in each of those circumstances. Lord, I pray that for every disappointment and failure today, that You would forgive me. I LONG and NEED to be who You want me to be. I need to be that child, daughter, wife, mother, sister, teacher, friend that You want and desire for me to be. Father, I can't do it alone.

A Chloe Funny

Chloe cracks me up most days when she talks. It's not always what she says, but how she says them. Anyway, here's the conversation the other night on the way home from Raleigh....

Chloe: Can I talk to you bor (for) a minute Dad?

Don: Sure Chloe...what's up?

Chloe: Look at my face Daddy...
(it's dark, but Don turns around and humors her)

Chloe: Well....ummm....(clicking of the tongue in her mouth)...dad...ummm.......

Too funny!!!

"Emma" Stories

Ok...I have 2 must share stories. As I have posted before, Emma has been asking all kinds of questions about accepting Jesus as her Savior....about Him dying on the cross for her sins...that kind of thing. We have been talking about creation in school and how God just spoke things into existence and they just happened. Here's the conversation as we were on the way to church on Sunday while it was pouring rain....

Emma: Mommy, did Jesus just speak and the rain started?

Me: Well...kind of...Jesus either causes or allows all things to happen.

Emma: So He just spoke it, and it rained?

Me: Yeah, I guess so.

Emma: So...Jesus could just speak it and supper would just happen??

Me: (chuckling of course) Emma, mommy wishes sometimes Jesus would do just that.

____________________________________________

The other day I decided to pull out the china to eat dinner off of. We have used it before, but Emma was really small the last time and did not remember it. She saw the plates set on the table and this was the conversation....

Emma: Mommy, where did you get those pretty plates?

Me: Well, Emma, that's mommy's china?

Emma: Mommy...YOU went to China?

Then, a couple of days later, she had noticed that I washed the plates and put them back in the china cabinet. She said...

Mommy, did you wash those Chinese plates and put them back???

______________________________________________

Oh how my kids just crack me up sometimes. I wish I could remember all the funny things they say...things I've said that they try to use correctly, and it doesn't come out quite right.

"A Greater Yes"

I know...it's been what seems like forever since I've updated. But I'm here now for all of you who CONSTANTLY check the blog to see if I've updated!! Yee haw, right??!
Anyway...I have some pictures that I'll put up of the girls after I post. They are growing SOOO fast. It really kind of makes me sad, because it's happening right before my eyes.
Well...I've been smitten....smitten with a truth from the Lord. I can't seem to get it off my mind. I'm in the last week of my Bible Study, Stepping Up. I've been struck with a truth that I can't seem to get my thoughts around. The last part of Psalm 132 (vs. 11-18 to be exact) is God's response to a plea either by or for David. God's answer to this prayer is what I'm blown away by. Read what Beth Moore wrote in her study...

"God's answers exceeded the psalmist's petition. God appears to thoroughly enjoy doing immeasurably more than all we 'ask or imagine' (Eph. 3:20, NIV) and probably has few bigger frustrations than when our prayerlessness denies Him the chance. You see, if we don't 'ask or imagine,' what does God have to out-do?.....He's answered you above and beyond what you asked on some of the very requests you assumed He answered negatively. If time and opportunity have passed, we assume God said no. Sometimes we're right. Sometimes we're wrong. Our finite minds simply cannot grasp God's infinite ways of answering prayer. You have no idea how many times you've prayed and God answered affirmatively but is awaiting the proper time for its revelation. Somewhat like Matthew 16:19, the answer has been 'loosed' in heaven but hasn't yet been 'loosed' on the pavement of earth. When the revelation does come, we sometimes don't link it with what we originally asked because we don't recognize the super-sized Ephesians 3:20 answer."

I know that was along quote, but I want you to be smitten by it too. Here's what I've been dealing with. First of all, I don't 'ask or imagine' much at all. Sometimes I guess I feel like the "martyr" by not "troubling" the Lord with the mundane things of my life. That's my first problem. If I don't even bother asking, how WILL He out-do me? You see, He wants to bless me...He wants to hear my desires even though He already knows them....He wants to be big in my life. After reading what you did, I tried to ponder a bit...tried to think of times I've earnestly sought the Lord for something. I wondered...did He answer with an unrecognizable huge Eph. 3:20 answer or did He not think it was best for me at the time? That's where it's a good idea to right down prayer requests...desires...goals that you bring to Him. I also realized that after I've prayed such earnest prayers, I often forget to even so much as acknowledge Him with a thank you. What are you believing Him for? Is it something huge? He may want to do MORE than that!! Or not...but regardless, wouldn't you rather believe Him?

The Whisnants sing a song called "A Greater Yes". Listen to it...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s27AJK67K_w

Sometimes He has something else for us...something greater than we could ever imagine. I want to see my "greater yeses" when I feel as if He's said no. I want to praise Him no matter what. You can "ask or imagine," but you also have to believe Him for it...for what's best.

Lord...thank You that You have my best interests in mind when You answer my requests. Thank You that You don't always give me exactly what I ask for. Thank You that You want to bless me...You want to hear from me.

Updates

Things have been incredibly crazy lately. I've been dealing with trying to figure out a way to more effectively discipline the kids because what we have been doing has not been working very well. SO...I've started praying each morning for a good day with them both...that they would listen and obey and basically be sweet. Is that too much to ask?? I hope not. I have also been praying for me...for my attitude, my reactions to their actions and for a sweet spirit to model before them. Any good days we've had has DEFINITELY been because of Jesus and the work of the Holy Spirit. I have need of so many changes to be the mom that I know He wants me to be. I'm just trying to give the control back to the Owner....the only One that can control it all.
Secondly, I started a chore chart to help get our mornings started more efficiently. It includes simple things like making their beds, getting dressed, brushing teeth, picking up their rooms...that sort of thing. There are rewards if they get all check marks for the week. I am rethinking this though. I want to be able to reward them each time they obey. So I think I'm going to try to find some marbles and a jar. Label it in sections so that when they reach a certain section they get a certain reward. Each time they obey, they get a marble. Each time they disobey, they get one taken away. We'll see how it works.
I've also been preparing to start school back up on Monday, March 2nd. I've been researching the curriculums available, and I think I've found one that might work for Emma. Ethan, my nephew, and Emma are natured a LOT alike. Pam has been using this with him and it seems to be working well for them. I'm gonna try it. For now, that's all I'm going to do for at least a week. Then, I'm going to add some Bible stuff. Then, maybe math. I just don't want to frustrate her (or me) like I did before I quit in October. I have to show Don that I can and WILL do this if he's going to agree to let me homeschool her for her kindergarten year. The past couple of days I've been trying to get my school room in order to start school again. It's gotten kind of bad so the reorganization has been good. I'm also trying to figure out when to school. Afternoon works better for me but not for her. SO, if I do it in the morning, I have to plan something for Chloe & Tate (the 2 year old little boy that I keep).
Pam has started selling Pampered Chef. So they past few weeks I've been able to get out of the house going to shows with her. It has been a lot of fun not to mention lots of sister time. :) I'm still doing the Stepping Up Bible study. It has been really good. I haven't liked it as much as Believing God, but I have enjoyed it. So as you can see, I have been busy. I am really going to try to blog a little more often. Thanks for being faithful to read. I know I shock your socks off when I've actually updated the blog. Until next time....

Control

I'm learning a thing or 2 about myself....I'm a control freak. I surely didn't realize that about myself. (I'm slightly OCD too, but that's just a side note.) I'm taking a parenting class at church. I struggle so much with trying to raise my girls. I long for them first and foremost to have a growing love relationship with Jesus Christ. I'm learning that they both seem to be very strong-willed. I really didn't think it was possible to have 2 children THAT strong-willed. I think maybe I need the super nanny. Don't laugh....I'm dead serious.

Emma doesn't respond much to any of the discipline that I've tried. That discipline does include spanking, time out, and taking away toys & TV just to name a few. For instance, Emma doesn't want to clean her room. Yes, it is a personal preference of mine for her to keep it clean, but it's also a life skill that she needs to learn. By clean, I really just mean picking up...not vacuuming or dusting....just picking up and hanging up clothes and putting away toys. We get to the point of her crying and me crying. I've thought...maybe I should just clean it up...it would take less time and be done just the way I like it (I'm not even picky about the how as long as she attempts to put things away). But...I want her to be responsible. Is this age too young for that? She's not a compliant child AT ALL. So what do I do? Any suggestions? Please help. I've told her before..."Emma, if you don't pick up your toys, I'll do it. Then, I'll pack them away and you will not be allowed to play with them." Know what she said??? "Mommy, you go ahead and pick them up...I don't want to play with them anymore." WHAT???!!! She wasn't being disrespectful in her tone at all....just being sweet as could be. So what do you do??

Oh well....this is not how I was expecting this entry to go. I just need some help. I want to control her basically...want her to do just what I want her to do. But I'm learning in my class, that that is not the answer because you will get to the point one day when you're not bigger than her. Relationships and influence is what is going to help determine how she responds in certain situations. AHHH....this is so hard. I'm praying now for a Spirit-filled attitude and demeanor with my kids (and husband). If you're still reading, thanks for letting me "vent" my frustrations here.

Emma Stories

I have just a couple of stories to tell about Emma. She is constantly cracking me up. The other day Don & she were riding in the van. She was asking for drink of sprite that was in the cup holder at the front. She was begging actually because she said she was THIRRRRSTYYYY! Shortly after expressing that, the bell on the van went off for low fuel. Emma looked up and said, "I guess the van is thirsty too, huh, Daddy?" Intuitive.

On a more serious note, I would ask you to pray for Emma and her salvation. She has been asking some really thought provoking questions about sin and Jesus and asking Him into her heart lately. One particular evening we were on our way to church on a Wednesday night. After trying desperately to seek the wisdom of Jesus for explanations of answers that a 4 year old would understand, I told Don I was exhausted when we ended our 35 minute drive to church....mentally and spiritually.

My Help

I'm not sure where to even begin. Every time I make my way to the computer (feeling oh so guilty that I haven't blogged in FOREVER), I'm overwhelmed with the thought of blogging. Overwhelmed because there's so much I need to catch you up on....because my heart is so heavy...because I'm a slacker! :)

I have such a desire to share just what the Lord has been trying to teach me in the past couple of weeks. However, I struggle to put my feelings and emotions into words sometimes. Is it just me? Probably...

I think about a friend of a friend that I had been praying for. She went home to be with Jesus yesterday morning leaving behind a husband and 3 very small boys. My girls have driven me to an inexpressible amount of frustration this evening. I bet that mom would have LOVED to have stayed here to experience that...just to get to be a part of her boys' lives.
I think about a little 13 year old boy in our area that without the miraculous Hand of Jesus will pass away sometime this weekend. I bet his mom would love to be able to say that she was "driven to an inexpressible amount of frustration".
I think about a close friend of mine that LONGS so deeply for a child. How she got the call 2 weeks ago that her and her husband had been chosen for a unborn baby boy. They frantically tried to get things together on the legal end and on the home end after he was born 2 days later at 24 weeks. A week later he died. How she too would love that frustration.
What am I getting at? I don't understand what Jesus is doing. I don't understand the decisions He makes...the trials we are allowed to go through whether they are as huge as death of a loved one or as small as the daily frustrations of life.

I do know that He sees each tear we cry....He hears each cry for help that we utter....He hears each praise through each storm that we pass through...we serve an ALL-KNOWING God...a Compassionate God....a Loving God. It is NOT a sin to be confused by what He's doing because we do not have the mind of Christ. Therefore...

Psalm 121
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."

Retreat

Don & I are headed out this morning for a great getaway weekend at Myrtle Beach, SC. Our church is hosting a couples' retreat. We are so excited for much needed couple time. Don's parents are here from OH to spend time with the girls. For those of you who are thinking how in the world did they make it here with the snow storm they just hand, relax. They came on Tuesday BEFORE the storm. They had planned on coming on Wednesday but changed the plans when they saw the storm coming. I'm praying for a renewed and refreshed relationship with the man God has blessed me with.
I have started a new Bible Study that has shown me some things about myself that I'll share here at a later date. I need to approach my family much differently than I do now. I promise to update SOON and explain. Thanks for sticking with me!

My Performer

Well...Emma has become quite the little performer. She loves to "dress" up and perform shows for us with the help of Gracie & Ethan, my niece and nephew. Here's her latest "outfit". I am going to video these shows one of these days, and I'll post for your enjoyment. She's a hoot!

Snow Days!

On Tuesday, we had the most snow we've had in a LONG time here in NC. I was very doubtful when the weather dude said there would be snow. (They seem to always be wrong.) Not this time. My kids & Pam's kids had a blast. Ok...I'm not fooling anyone...I had a blast too. Phil hooked a sled to the back of his Suzuki. It would really only hold 2-3 kids though. So Don went up to Mama's and got the other "sled". Some years back when we got snow, Charlie went to a junk yard and bought the hood of a car to make into a sled. So, that's what Don hooked to his Suzuki. It was really rednecked-up, but boy was it fun. Don was off work on Tuesday and Wednesday so he was able to pull the kids both days. Here are some pictures...

Emma, Chloe, Gracie & Ethan

Emma

Chloe (at a good moment)

Don pulling the "sled".

Phil pulling the other sled.

Facing My "Lion" & Resting In Him

Ok, ok...sorry it's taken so long. I really don't have time to blog....well, I do have some time, but not QUIET time. I'll try to catch you up to what's going on.
Dance went well for the girls. They loved it. However, it seemed like a waste of time and money to me. Does that sound horrible? I mean how much are they really taking away from the lessons that last 45 minutes once a week?? Oh well...

The Believing God Bible study is officially over. It's kind of sad. I'm ready to do another one...not lead it...just do another one. I need those to keep me on track. I do have a few in mind, but I'm waiting to see what will be offered around me before I journey to do one alone.

I've really been struggling lately with homeschooling. Struggling with discernment, doubt, fear of failure. I truly want what He wants. Does that mean it will be easy? No, but I think I've had this subconscious thought in my head that obedience would breed ease. I'm sure I'm wrong about this. I know...you're wondering what in the world I learned from this Bible study that I've done twice in the past 6 months. So...I began praying fervently for direction from the Lord yielded to His leading. I begged for confirmation one way or the other.
This past Wednesday night (after this morning of prayer for confirmation) I received that confirmation in a sermon. It was if God Himself chose to speak DIRECTLY to me through our education pastor. He spoke out of 2 Samuel 23:20-23. Benaiah was the man that literally faced a lion in the midst of a pit on a snowy day. The odds were stacked against him....things didn't look good or easy. That's where I am with homeschooling. The odds seem to be stacked against me. I'm no teacher. It wasn't just that. That pastor said things out loud that I had either said to the Lord or believed in my heart just that morning in my quiet time with Jesus. I'm so afraid of failing....failing her...the Lord...Don.
I guess I can't really seem to put into words how the Lord confirmed to me that I was to homeschool Emma in the fall, but He did. Now, I'm seeking Him to show me what tools to use. The pre-K program I bought was not her learning style AT ALL....it was mine. It made for very frustrating days...so I quit in October. God will guide.

"Call on me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you did not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

Matter of fact, I taught Emma the first part of that verse ONE day this past week. We worked on it for probably 15 minutes. Sadly enough, we had not talked about it since. On the way to church this morning, I asked Emma if she wanted to practice over her verse. She refused to even hear it much less say it because she was in a serious funk from not getting enough sleep last night. So, I dropped it. We get into the service. She sits with one of the ladies at church while I'm in the choir (Don's home sleeping as he worked the night before). As I'm sitting there, I see her go up for the children's message which is when they say their verses. I'm really nervous at this point. Anyone with children knows this nervous feeling. THEN...she STANDS up because she had a new verse. I was like....oh my goodness...what in the world is going to come out of her mouth. I even voiced out loud..."she's never going to remember that verse." Let me just tell you, that little Emma spouted off that verse word for word. I was FLOORED. I'm sure my mouth was wide open. I couldn't believe she remembered it. I felt like the Lord was saying to me..."see child...I've got this". I was so proud of her. I know Jesus must have smiled down too...it was just that kind of moment. Now, who He was smiling at, I'm not sure. Probably me, since the light bulb seemed to have finally come on.

I'm so glad that He doesn't ever give up on me. Sometimes Emma would look up at me with tears in her eyes and say "I'm never gonna get this." I feel that way..."I'm never gonna get this, am I Father? I'm always going to doubt You and the promises You've already made me, aren't I? Why do I struggle so with believing You?" It's then that I feel His Loving Arms around me, begging me to rest in Him. So....that's what I'm doing tonight...I'm resting in Him.

My Dance Girls

For Christmas, Santa brought the girls ballerina lessons. They started them on Monday. Here they are before the lessons. They love their new "tu-tu's" as they call them.

Philippians 4:19

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Today our pastor preached a message from this passage. I've tried to think on that verse this afternoon and really understand what the Lord is trying to teach me. Our pastor asked the question...what is your biggest need right now in 2009? That need could be a physical need...maybe healing from cancer or sickness or financial woes...it could be an emotional need...maybe a broken heart or stress...or it could be a spiritual need...maybe you need Jesus in your heart or you may have a burden so heavy that you cannot seem to bare it anymore.

My very first thought was that I truly need the amazing Presence of God. That's the only way I'll be a different person, right? He also made a comment which I'm not sure had anything to do with his message (I could be wrong because Emma was doing her 4 yr. old thing beside me...very distracting). He said in a round about way...if you pursue something and make something your focus, you will eventually achieve it. Now, I don't think you can pursue Christ so much that you will be just like Him, but it got me to thinking....What is my focus? is it Christ? or is it me?

I've been so totally consumed with myself for so long, I've become desensitized to it. I can always rationalize how I handle a situation or how I deserve to feel the way I do about a circumstance. I LONG to have Him as my focus. I can't really afford anything less.

Lord, please help me to be the child of Yours that I need to be. You are the only thing in my life that is a certainty. Help me to see You in every blessing and trial. May You be glorified in my life. Thank You for loving me anyway.

Happy New Year!

Ok...so I'm slacking already on my blogging for the year. Do you ever come to your blog or journal and feel like you have writer's block? I'm speechless most of the time. I've been trying to really grasp that 2009 is here and that I've left 2008 behind. I don't really have resolutions. BUT...I do have several goals for the year...some that I have to admit I've already failed at.
I long to dwell in the presence of Jesus. Not just pop in and out. I hate that dry feeling...like He's so far away. It makes me sad to look back over 2008 at the things I've truly missed out on. I could very easily have the "post-Christmas blues". Does anyone else get those? Is it just me?

Oh well...I long to be a different person in so many ways at this time next year. I've sat and wondered what the Lord may have in store for me and for my family this year. Will I lose someone I love? Will Don still have the same job? Will we be expecting another child? Will I be homeschooling Emma or will she be in public school? Will my relationship with my Lord and Savior be so intimate that I may know Him like He already knows me? Those are just a few. I know my will where most of those are concerned.....but HIS???...I'm not so sure.
I do know that there are mountains to be faced, moved and climbed in the year to come....I also know that I'm the daughter of The King, the One who knows all. I know that He is who He says He is. I know that He can do what He says He can do. I know I am who He says I am. I know I can do all things through Him. I know that His Word is alive and active in me. I pray that no matter what may come our way...I'll trust Him.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9