Well, today has definitely been a war zone for me. The battlefield of my mind has been raging and active since I got out of bed. I must say that I'm failing the test....the test of thinking on things that are true versus thinking on all the lies I've accepted today.
I'm quite discouraged in many areas of my life today. The first being homeschooling Emma. I tried to switch things around this morning and have her do school this morning rather than this afternoon. So up to the school room we went...Emma, Chloe and myself. Chloe wasn't the problem...she seemed quite content for the 30-40 minutes we were up there. We finally quit after I fell apart and cried....I even made Emma cry because I was so upset. I'm just so frustrated and feel like such a failure. I want to fill the role....I want to be able to homeschool her. However, I am just having a hard time figuring out how. We are definitely not on the same page. I feel like I need a teacher to come in and show me how to do things. That's the kind of personality I have.....show me, and I usually have it.
And that's an example of exactly what I typed yesterday. Here I have these bad actions, thoughts & attitudes, and I'm repulsed that I've failed the test (AGAIN!). Why do I feel so defeated?...Because it starts in my mind. I've listened to satan tell me because she can't tell me the sounds of the 4 vowels we've covered, that I'm a failure....because she doesn't seem to be "getting it", I'm a failure. Oh, how Beth Moore nailed it when she said the battlefield starts in the mind!
Oh well, I definitely have to ask the Lord to forgive me for sulking in my sorrows. I can't seem to fight the dreadful feeling...."I" can't do anything. I just need to rely on His strength. Allow Him to be my Stronghold...not the lies. Oh if it were that easy....to say and then it to be. Sorry if I haven't been encouraging today.
O Lord, I pray You would forgive me for trying to do things in my own strength...for listening to the enemy and then choosing to believe him over You...for not resting in the peace Your Truth brings. Father, take over my mind. You said in Your Word, the battle is not mine but Yours. Thank You that You continue to fight for me Lord. May glory be brought to Your Name this day.
" Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.... Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you. " (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17)
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Good morning my dear. This blog is so great. I realize I'm not the only mom that's losing it! That in itself is encouraging. I guess misery does love company! I've come to the realization that I'm NOT super woman and I CAN'T humanly get everything done I want to. Not to mention done right. I try to slap myself back into reality and wonder if what I think is right, really is. Is this really important for the big picture? Then I have a brain battle and wonder if this is the Lord telling me something or Satan keeping me from something. Do you do that too? Totally frustrating. Know that I'm praying for you my fellow mother...you are not alone! Smile! Let's drown in the joy that our names are written in the Lamb's Book of LIFE! Sandy
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