Facing My "Lion" & Resting In Him

Ok, ok...sorry it's taken so long. I really don't have time to blog....well, I do have some time, but not QUIET time. I'll try to catch you up to what's going on.
Dance went well for the girls. They loved it. However, it seemed like a waste of time and money to me. Does that sound horrible? I mean how much are they really taking away from the lessons that last 45 minutes once a week?? Oh well...

The Believing God Bible study is officially over. It's kind of sad. I'm ready to do another one...not lead it...just do another one. I need those to keep me on track. I do have a few in mind, but I'm waiting to see what will be offered around me before I journey to do one alone.

I've really been struggling lately with homeschooling. Struggling with discernment, doubt, fear of failure. I truly want what He wants. Does that mean it will be easy? No, but I think I've had this subconscious thought in my head that obedience would breed ease. I'm sure I'm wrong about this. I know...you're wondering what in the world I learned from this Bible study that I've done twice in the past 6 months. So...I began praying fervently for direction from the Lord yielded to His leading. I begged for confirmation one way or the other.
This past Wednesday night (after this morning of prayer for confirmation) I received that confirmation in a sermon. It was if God Himself chose to speak DIRECTLY to me through our education pastor. He spoke out of 2 Samuel 23:20-23. Benaiah was the man that literally faced a lion in the midst of a pit on a snowy day. The odds were stacked against him....things didn't look good or easy. That's where I am with homeschooling. The odds seem to be stacked against me. I'm no teacher. It wasn't just that. That pastor said things out loud that I had either said to the Lord or believed in my heart just that morning in my quiet time with Jesus. I'm so afraid of failing....failing her...the Lord...Don.
I guess I can't really seem to put into words how the Lord confirmed to me that I was to homeschool Emma in the fall, but He did. Now, I'm seeking Him to show me what tools to use. The pre-K program I bought was not her learning style AT ALL....it was mine. It made for very frustrating days...so I quit in October. God will guide.

"Call on me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you did not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

Matter of fact, I taught Emma the first part of that verse ONE day this past week. We worked on it for probably 15 minutes. Sadly enough, we had not talked about it since. On the way to church this morning, I asked Emma if she wanted to practice over her verse. She refused to even hear it much less say it because she was in a serious funk from not getting enough sleep last night. So, I dropped it. We get into the service. She sits with one of the ladies at church while I'm in the choir (Don's home sleeping as he worked the night before). As I'm sitting there, I see her go up for the children's message which is when they say their verses. I'm really nervous at this point. Anyone with children knows this nervous feeling. THEN...she STANDS up because she had a new verse. I was like....oh my goodness...what in the world is going to come out of her mouth. I even voiced out loud..."she's never going to remember that verse." Let me just tell you, that little Emma spouted off that verse word for word. I was FLOORED. I'm sure my mouth was wide open. I couldn't believe she remembered it. I felt like the Lord was saying to me..."see child...I've got this". I was so proud of her. I know Jesus must have smiled down too...it was just that kind of moment. Now, who He was smiling at, I'm not sure. Probably me, since the light bulb seemed to have finally come on.

I'm so glad that He doesn't ever give up on me. Sometimes Emma would look up at me with tears in her eyes and say "I'm never gonna get this." I feel that way..."I'm never gonna get this, am I Father? I'm always going to doubt You and the promises You've already made me, aren't I? Why do I struggle so with believing You?" It's then that I feel His Loving Arms around me, begging me to rest in Him. So....that's what I'm doing tonight...I'm resting in Him.