Distorted Views

I would like to begin by apologizing that I haven't posted in a while. I'm really at a loss for words it seems. I've been extremely busy trying to get up our Christmas decorations (yes, I know that it's not even Thanksgiving yet & yes, I have talked about people before for doing this), but I was trying to get them up before we leave for OH for Thanksgiving. When we come back, it will be December. What's really funny is, we had told Emma & Chloe we were going to Grandma's for Thanksgiving. After we put up the tree, she looked at me puzzled and said "I thought we were going to Grandma's for Thanksgiving??" I replied, "We are." She said, "Then why do we have up the Christmas tree?" I guess she thought maybe she missed Thanksgiving. Pictures of the tree will be coming soon.

Let's see...what else has been going on?? Oh...I got the girls' hair cut. They are SOOO cute. However, Emma decided she wanted to be a beautician and she decided to CUT HER OWN HAIR!! Urggg...she now has bangs. I must admit, she did a good job! I am still quite furious over it. I guess she'll wear a headband from now til it grows out. Again, I'll try to post some pictures later.

Don didn't get the job he interviewed for. He really wasn't surprised though. I guess that means he stays on 3rd shift for a while. Oh well...I know that God has a plan and purpose.

Speaking of God...He's been teaching me quite a bit lately. Well...trying anyway. In the Bible study I'm doing, I'm learning (again) that God is who He says He is. That means He is Unconditional Love. I've learned that my view of Him has been quite distorted. I'm His child and He loves me even when I'm unlovable. That's hard to take. I tend to forget that God is God and not a human....and He is not limited by the human mind like I am. I wanted to share how He has been showing me my views of Him (as twisted as they are).

I spank my kids. It really doesn't bother Emma too much. Chloe, on the other hand, is different. The other night I was at my mom's. They were disobedient, so they both got spankings. I then put them on the couch for a few minutes. Emma was like "no big deal". Chloe just wanted me to hold her. I told her no...that she was in time out. My mom says to me..."She sure doesn't like it when you're mad at her, huh?" I replied, "I'm not mad. I just want her to obey when I tell her to do something or not to do something." That was that.

The next morning in my quiet time with Him, He spoke. I was thinking about how I truly viewed the Lord. My mind was flooded with the previous scene. I realized that that is how I view God....meaning, when I do something wrong whether I'm punished directly or not, He doesn't want me...doesn't want to put His arms around me. I sobbed. Truly, because I don't feel that way about Chloe. I love her no matter what but had conveyed the opposite to her. I cringed at the thought of the times I had pushed her away after she had been punished. Not only did I have a terribly distorted view of the Lord, but I had conveyed to my child that when she did something wrong, I didn't want to "love her up". Broken doesn't even begin to express how I was feeling.
I've begged the Lord...
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; renew a right spirit within me." Ps. 51:10
You see create here in the hebrew is bara which means to create from nothing. There is nothing good in me. The Lord must create that clean heart and right spirit.

Father, I praise You that You are Unconditional Love. I thank You that no matter what I do, I'll always be Your child and You will always love me. Please Lord, change my views of You. Help me to believe Your Word...that You are who You say You are.